Tag Archives: family

What I Do While Cori Sleeps (Guest Blog by Kacy)

26 Oct

So I bet you’re wondering where Cori has been all this time?  I can tell you.  At exactly 10PM this evening, Cori went to sleep.  Why so early, most of you will say?  I will reply, that is actually about 2 hours late for her.  Who knew that pregnant women were so tired?
I miss my wife so much.  I should say… I miss seeing her vertically.  I see her eyelids.  I see her fingers curled around the blanket.  I hear her soft little sighs.  But I miss talking to her.  I miss sitting on the couch watching TV, discussing what’s happening.  I miss kissing, and hugging, and sharing a meal and our daily stories.  I love my baby, but it I seriously capitalizing on my time with my wife.

But enough about that…  I promised to pick up the reins of this blog while my wife sleeps it off.  So, here is the story of how we met, which is by request.  At least I have this blog and all of you to keep me company.

April 19th, 2006
Tonight was a special night.  All of my friends were in town from SF and NYC, and we were gathering at this new ladies night called “Here”, at this place called Here, in LA.
Corey (Boy), Al, Michi, and Kim were in attendance. It was my mission to find my friends people to flirt with, and perhaps take home.  I was not the kind of person who did well at the clubs.  I am an acquired taste – people don’t see me from across the club and want to take me home.

Some history:
That being said, I was also an established single person.  I was not single and dating, I was (and determined to be) alone.  A year before I met Cori, I had gone through an incredibly horrific breakup.  Unfortunately, it was the last of several very bad decisions in relationship partners.  I was always terrible at choosing the right women to date.  So… after that experience, I decided that I couldn’t be trusted to date for a while.  I took a year off from focusing on anybody else, and gave all that focus to myself.

Cut to:
So we’re standing outside on the patio, and I am checking in with my friends to make sure they are having a great time.  I notice that Kim and Corey (Boy) are having an intense discussion and looking around the room.  I inquire what they are looking at, and Corey (Boy) turns to me and says, “We’re looking for the hottest girl in the club.  We think it’s that girl over there in the burgundy hoodie.”

Now, kind ladies of the jury, I had every single intention of summoning this woman over to speak to my friends – as I stated before, I was single and was choosing to be so.  Unfortunately for my friend, and for every other woman on earth, the beautiful green eyes that met mine when peering across the room to see “the hottest girl in the club” belonged to Cori.

It was like getting hit with a bat to your stomach… but in the best way possible.  The breath went out of me.  I couldn’t help but smile, and neither could she.  And then, I did something that is almost unforgivable – but will give evidence as to why I never hooked up in club.  I took my index and middle finger waves motioned for Cori to move towards me.  This is usually referred to as a summons.  Awful, I know!  But, being the strong-minded, self-respecting woman she is, she agreed to meet me halfway… at a tree.  Our tree.

When people tell me they don’t believe in love at first sight, I always smile, and think of those pretty green eyes from across the room.  Then, I realize that I am subconsciously rubbing my thumb against my wedding ring.

I will have to save the rest of the story for another night.  The sleeping beauty next to me is ready to cuddle.  I have a small window of opportunity, so I have to act fast.


A Lunch-Break Miracle

28 Sep

So, unlike I promised, it’s been a while since my last post. I have been in a 24/7 state of nauseousness. It takes every last bit of my super special brain powers to concentrate on not throwing up. This, unfortunately, means I could not lose focus and write a post. I figured you would rather have no post, than one covered in vomit. Right?

So my “morning” sickness is a mild nauseousness that is forever. The only time I am not mildly nauseous is when I am seriously, majorly, violently vomiting. This is our little sweet pea’s way of reminding me who is in charge. Not me.

Well, today the baby gods decided they would give me a few minutes of relief and I decide I would spend them with you, telling you how I got those miraculous minutes.

In the past few weeks of my neverending flu I have learned some things that work and some things that do the opposite of work.

So to help with the mild sickies, Lemon Sparkling water is pretty good. I like Arrowhead because it is one of the few that has no sodium.

 What has also helped with the mild sickies and sort of the serious sickies are the acupressure wristbands. I have the Bioband and I think it works, there is a chance that it could just be in my head…either way it’s fine by me.

 But the most bestest, number 1, favorite, serious sickie fixer winner is  Ginger Spicy Apple candies. OHMYGOSHMARRYME.

I am at work, about to get a case of the horrible, terrible, green face sickies. As I hold my head in my hands begging the little miniature munchkin to forgive me for the Sausage Hot Pocket I just tried to eat without him noticing (or her, but my gut says “him”) I see a piece of the candy peeking out of my purse, sparkling in the sunshine. Kacy gave me these candies because someone said Ginger might help. I hate Ginger. No, I HATE Ginger. So it was not on my list of things to put in my mouth while on the verge of death. But, I kept one in my purse because I have everything else in there, so why not? (and I also knew it would make Kacy really happy) So as I prepare for my run to the bathroom I decide to try it first. I am desperate. The bathroom is very public, and unlike all of you, the people I work with do NOT know I got myself knocked up. I try to avoid giving them any hints at all costs. I put the candy in my mouth as I hold my nose. I hold my nose because that is what people do on Fear Factor when they have to eat milkshakes made of spiders, and that is what I compare this to. And it’s not that bad, the spicy apple part takes away from the ginger part and is so spicy that it distracts me from being nauseous. Then as I finish the chewy candy I realize I am cured. Like, 100%, not even mildly sick, perfectness. I just experienced a miracle.

So if you are suffering like I have been, please try these miracle candies. You will thank me later. I will be buying them in bulk for the weeks ahead.

That’s all I’ve got…


PS For the next time I experience a miracle and actually write a post, pretty please let me know if there is anything in particular ya’ll want me to write about. I am super not creative.

XO again.

On the Bright Side….

22 Sep

To balance out the complaining I would like to add that my boobs look incredible. Thanks pregnancy! 🙂

The Morning After

3 Sep

The other morning Cori and I woke up to our usual routine.  We scooped up Jonesy cat, lying on top of us, and gave him some morning love.  I fed him breakfast while Cori brushed her teeth.  I snuck a peek at her in the shower – because I still get excited when I look at her.  She got dressed to my despair, we kissed, held each other, and we drove to work.
The day was very typical – we were waiting for 2 weeks to be up.  We were marking time on the walls of our minds, wondering what it would feel like to see that test result, looking longingly upon the faces of other people’s children – yearning to see Cori’s eyes, a gesture, a familiarity.  When would it be our turn?  What would it feel like?
Cori and I went to sleep that night, like any other night.  We kissed, spooned and closed our eyes.  What I didn’t know was that that night, that last lingering look upon my world, would be the last night of that life.
“Baby, wake up!”  Cori jumped onto the bed, half on top of me, and rolled me over.  Her Hazel eyes were shinning, bright and open.  “Baby – look.”  She handed me a long white stick, and as my tired eyes focused, I saw not one, but two distinct lines forming on the test.  Cori turned her head, looking at me half-telling me, half searching for reassurance:  “We’re pregnant.”
I have only ever been conscious of my heart beating one other time in my life – it was the first time Cori kissed me.  I held that test in my hand, glancing back and forth between that test and my wife’s eyes… and we both began to cry.  I took her in my arms and we embraced this new day.  “You did it,” I said to her quietly.  She pulled back from the hug, held my face in her hands, and touched her forehead to mine.  “No baby, we did it”. 
One year from today, I will have a 3-month-old baby.  Two weeks from today, I will see a heartbeat on a sonogram – I will see my kid’s heart beating.  And for the rest of my life, I will feel this immense amount of love for my family:  my incredible wife Cori, who I will love until the day my own heart stops beating, and even after that.  And my baby, who is already adored, prayed for, loved, loved, loved, as he or she or they grow inside my wife’s womb. 
I am so happy to share this moment with you all.  I am so happy to confirm that all of our shared wishes, hopes, and dreams have come true.  In most films, gays and lesbians meet terrible ends.  We die; we are lost, left, or forgotten.  Not in this story.  We have a happy ending, or rather; we have a happy beginning of a new chapter.  Our love is real love – we are stories of our own – and we are all listening.
Thank you for all of your love and support – it has cushioned the fall of our angel from heaven and into our arms.
And keep sharing your stories with us, and we will keep praying and sending love in hopes that it will be the light that guides your angel down to you. 
Love always,
Kacy, Cori, Jonesy, and our future Bambino

The Other Mother

29 Aug

My incredible wife, Kacy, has agreed to write a little something to show her side of things. So here is Kacy’s first guest blog post! Hopefully, the first of many 🙂

Right now I am listening to Joni Mitchell.  “Blue”, to be specific.  It’s not that I am altogether sad, more than just trying to calm the subways of my mind:  Uptown trains speeding by – the tests, the news, the realizations – a baby, a kid, a teen, a boy or girl, a man or woman who will one day look at me and call me “mom.”  And the downtown express, that this is hopeless, it’s too hard, too painful, too much – that it will never happen.  Sad songs make the noise stop – at least, Joni does.

Most people don’t usually connect with the other mother – us “non-birthers”.  Cori’s body is changing, her emotions, her hormones, I mean, my baby is going through so much.  And while I would never compare the two, I am going through my own journey.  This is what I picture: I am standing on a diving board, and below is a beautiful pool.  In the crystal blue water, I see my future:  Cori pregnant, me kissing baby toes, dancing as a family in the kitchen while we make Christmas cookies, Cori and I holding hands at a recital, packaging a lunch, teaching the perfect jump shot… I see it all.

I live on this diving board.  Every insemination, I make my approach, striding confidently one, two, three, and then a jump and a bounce.  My toes grip the grainy board, my muscles strain as they explode upwards, excited, systemic – and into the air I go.

Some divers soar gracefully in the air.  They pike, spin, somersault.  They are intent on diving in.  My journey is through the air… wondering if when I hit the board again, I will lunge forward  – toward that beautiful future that awaits me – or if I will catch myself, like I have so many times before, rebound, and get my balance.

I want what’s in the water.  I want to see that smile on my wife’s face when she tells me, “baby, we’re pregnant”.  When she hands me our baby for the first time and says, “look what we did, baby.  We’re a family.”  She is not the only mother in this story.  There are two mother’s hoping to become just that.

I have short hair.  I wear men’s clothes.  But underneath it, I unwrap a full-grown woman.  My dreams are as pink as my lips, as soft as the timbers of my voice, and as gentle as the intentions of my actions.  I am confident, a person of morals and action, I do not sit by the sidelines, but I cry.  I have cried so many nights.

I look at children on the street and the tears well up in my eyes.  Yes, I fear that they will not love me as much as they will Cori.  Yes, I fear that because they are not “of me” that they will not really be mine – but it doesn’t stop the want to have them – because I will love them forever.

A mother’s love is supposed to go one way to some extent.  Children are made out of love and they only truly understand the love of their parents when they become parents themselves.  I want to jump off that bridge when we get to it – but I want to start walking toward that bridge already!

Two weeks is almost over… and I am in the air, with the crystal water of future dreams beneath me.  I am holding my breath… just in case.


Hey, Girl, Hey!

26 Aug

Hey all you baby making bloggers! Send me the links to your blogs! I need something productive to do during this 2WW. Keep me busy so I don’t obsessively Google my “symptoms” for the next 4 days! 🙂

Actually, send me links to anything…  Someone sent me a link to a Fertility Jewelry site on Etsy  today which was really cool. (I bought the St. Gerard glass necklace).
Here’s the link for all you baby makers:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheFertileGarden

Well, not much else to say…just waiting, waiting, waiting…Hope y’all are well!



it’s been a while…

18 Aug

Wow, I am way over due for a blog entry. I have actually had lots of things to write about, I just haven’t felt like it. Sowwy….

So, the past couple weeks have been good. Kacy and I have been getting out of town on the weekends to help take a break from the consuming life of TTC fun. It really has helped…. As much as it can, I suppose.

I did get some good news, on August 8th I had a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) Test. Which is where they shoot dye up your hoohaw and take pictures of you uterus and fallopian tubes. I am proud to say my insides are perfect! 🙂 It was a really uncomfortable procedure and combined with the latest round of Clomid, I cried through the whole thing. Yes, I know I am a big baby. But, I am going to continue to blame all of my irrational behavior on the hormones for as long as I can…it lets me get away with a lot, so get used to it.

My doctor also tested my hormones again and those are perfect as well, so everything is great and working as it should. While this is all wonderful news, it really makes me wonder why I am not getting pregnant.
Well, I suppose I could be pregnant, Kacy and I inseminated on August 16th. This time around was probably the best experience we have had yet. My doctor was on vacation and so another doctor handled this round. I was not excited. I had gotten comfortable with my doctor and now a stranger was going to be poking around down there? Fun.

So I met with the substitute doctor the day before the insemination to check on the status of my follicles and I had some huge ones! Usually I just have one good one, this time I had quite a few. She said my chances of twins went from 5% to 20-30%. Which means my chances of at least one went up too, right?
So normally during insemination my doctor just thaws the baby batter  in some water (outside of the room) and we never actually see it. But this doctor brought the whole tank into the room and gave the vile to Kacy to thaw with her body heat. Then she left so we could “bond”. It may seem gross or weird to someone who is not going through this, but it was a great experience for us. Kacy held the frozen vile in her hands and we sent positive energy into it. It was incredible to know that we were bringing it back to life. After the insemination the doctor ask us if we wanted to keep the empty vile, again I know this may seem weird to most of you, but we thought since we were DEFINITELY going to get pregnant this time it would be something cool to have. We looked at the vile and noticed that it had the date that our donor donated and it was my birthday. All of this has to be good omens, right? RIGHT???

So here I am again in the 2WW (two week wait for those not well versed in the TTC (Trying to conceive) lingo) These two weeks are always the hardest. You analyze every little pain or itch and then Google if it means you are pregnant. Unfortunately, PMS and early pregnancy symptoms are identical. Super. So it never really helps, but I still can’t stop. It does help knowing that these TTC message boards exist because so many women are going bat-shit crazy during this 2WW too though. Crazy loves company?

Hopefully I will have good news to share soon. Until then…